Capitaan dildo arrescate!
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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