I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
