And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I supernannyed him into submission
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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