doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
