I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize