It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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