man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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