Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
