I don't usually arrange sex via text message
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize