from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
