Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
