Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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