i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
