just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
