just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I could make wine with my vomit
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
