I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize