My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
