i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
