is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
