from now on my penis is your penis
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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