Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
