I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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