Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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