I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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