So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
