Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
She bit a glass in half.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
We need a shit load of segways right now
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize