i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
