Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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