If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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