I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
