I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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