that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
