I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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