I wanna bring you to show and tell
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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