foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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