I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
