She went from zero to smokin in five shots
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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