Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
