It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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