I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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