so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
