Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize