the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
as a side note pls kill me
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
