can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
