bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
tell me about the eggs
Randomize