I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
