I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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