you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
My vagina is officially offended.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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