bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
