No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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