Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
There r osticjed everywhere
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
They took my balls.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize