My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
