I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
