Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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