Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
you made out with another girl for some wings
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
