Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
