who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
