He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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