I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
