Im at strip club and am horny
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
