the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
