Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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