Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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