i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
