i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
